Michael Jackson is so obviously crazier than bat shit that this post is almost an insult to our own intelligence.
In fact, there are so many little nuggets of crazy gold one could highlight with Michael Jackson that it's almost unfair, like taking candy from a retarded baby. Yeah. We just went there.
Let's start simple by deconstructing the photo above. First of all, someone needs to tell him that wearing silver AND gold at the same time is just tacky. And the space monkey arm pads? Is he planning on having an inter-galactic joust? It also goes without saying that in this photograph, Michael Jackson is white.
Which he wasn't when I went to the Thriller Tour when I was seven. Back when he was still a human being and awesome.
Michael Jackson's descent into bat shit has been steady since 1984, when his "Off the Wall" nose was replaced by "Thriller" nose. Over time, the nose morphed into a perfect triangle with holes, but more remarkably, he has magically turned from a black man to a white man.
He claims its a skin disease called Impetago, but um, that kind of strikes in patchy blotches. Not quite the smooth milky sea of skin he's managed to buy, I mean cultivate. It strikes me as oddly Silence of the Lambs, if you can see what I'm getting at. (It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!)
Unfortunately for his supposed offspring, Michael Jackson's crazy seems to be contagious.
His children are named Paris, Prince Michael and BLANKET. He once dangled BLANKET over a balcony to show him/her/it off to paparazzi, and he made his children wear creepy masks out in public. As if it would be somehow LESS damaging to their fragile young part-Jackson psyches to have to wear masks and hoods everywhere than to have people taking pictures of them constantly. Your kid is not anonymous if he's the one wearing the duck mask.
And finally, he has a giant ranch/amusement park/porn den that he calls "Neverland" where he invites children to come stay, and where he sleeps in bed with them. Because somehow that's appropriate.
So, hats off to Michael Jackson, the first inductee into the Bat Shit Hall of Fame. You make us proud!
1 comment:
close. not impetigo, but vitiligo. but yes, crazier than batshit. as it does, as you say, strike in patches and not in whole-body outbreaks!
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