#15) Political Apologies

Thinking that saying you're sorry for being an outright racist/bigot/sexist/asshole/pervert and thinking that absolves you for said behavior is crazier than bat shit.

However, politicians in the United States, in the wake of the Monica Lewinsky scandal and Bill Clinton's mea cupla, seem to think that they can get away with whatever inane stupidity they want, as long as they apologize for it.

Take Kentucky Rep. Geoff Davis who issued a public apology to Senator Barak Obama, the presumptive Democratic nominee for president this year, for calling him a "snake-oil salesman" and "boy." (Ouch. Asshole.)

He apologized! That's almost like he never did that! Great!

But being the narcissistic creatures they are, politicians today have upped the Apolog-ante on each other, and now they have to apologize for and disavow comments made by OTHER PEOPLE. This is our new favorite political smoke and mirrors game.

It's like when a friend's boyfriend back in the day started telling a story about "some n*gg*r" in front of another friend who was black. And she kept trying to apologize for him. But really, she wasn't the racist asshole.

Case in Point:

Recently Gen. Wesley Clark said the following on CBS news: "I don’t think riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to be president."

Guess what team? It isn't. No more than fighting in Iraq qualifies today's military to up and lead the country tomorrow. Being in the army qualifies you for a lot of things. Being the CEO of America isn't one of them.

Being older than Alaska and Hawaii and having served for many years in the United States Senate? Those things make you a viable presidential candidate. Having legislative and policy experience? Check! Having demonstrated electability to a national office? Check!

McCain, in a very crafty maneuver, responded to Gen. Clark by telling Obama he could apologize. Because that makes sense. Here's how the New York Times broke it down:

Mr. McCain, at a news conference in Harrisburg, Pa., said he thought remarks like General Clark’s were “unnecessary” and that the question of an apology was up to Senator Obama; but he added that the comments seemed to be part of a pattern.

“If that’s the kind of campaign that Senator Obama and his surrogates and supporters want to engage in, I understand that. But it doesn’t reduce the price of a gallon of gas by a penny” or do anything else to help Americans.

He added a moment later, “I know that General Clark’s comment is not an isolated incident. I have no way of knowing what involvement Senator Obama has in that issue.”

In what issue? In pointing out legitimate facts?

If we said something stupid about John McCain or if we were to say, point out that being able to juggle and whistle at the same time didn't qualify anyone to run Microsoft, it would be absolutely crazier than bat shit for Obama to have to say "I am Barak Obama, and I in no way endorse that bat shit."