#1) Paula Abdul

Paula Abdul is crazier than bat shit.

While she may be Forever Our Girl, it would appear that American Idol's favorite lady judge had a bit too much of the hooch before the show. In the clip above Paula Abdul has obviously been paying so little attention to what is actually going on around her that she is somehow able to see into the future and tell Jason Castro that yes, he is about to suck. Or that he is about to not suck. Either way, she exposes the man behind the American Idol curtain by letting slip that their comments are neither spontaneous nor about the performance they just saw.

Where is the Paula Abdul of "Opposites Attract" or "Cold Hearted Snake"?

The slightly slutty girl-next-door has turned into someone who points out how "You're just so you right now, I can see how much your soul is shining and feel the love that you give off in your own special precious you-way."

If, perchance, I were to get up and say these things on live national television, they would give me a Depakote and send me away. Paula? I'm willing to bet money that even if she wore sparkly fairy wings to every show and started speaking in Pig Latin, she'd still have a television contract and I'd still be bitching about it in a blog.